Love Your Husband

Do you ever find yourself struggling to love your husband like you once did when you got married? Has the honeymoon phase worn off, and you long again for the chase?

No more butterflies.

No more love letters.

You and your spouse are living like roommates, waiting for the other to make a move that would shift the dynamic just enough get back on course.

My love for my husband is a choice; and, thankfully, one that is more often easy than not. But sometimes, my choice to love my husband means putting my selfish needs aside and choosing to put him first. Choosing to affirm him, to rip up that record of wrong, to submit to his leadership, and to verbally say, “I love you,” even though I may not “feel” it in the moment.

The Bible says in Jeremiah 17 that “The heart is deceitful above all things…” If our love for our spouse is based on how we “feel” on a any given day, how is that love? If I let my heart determine my immediate reactions to difficult circumstances, how then does love persevere?

In a world that says to “put yourself first” at the first sign of unhappiness, the Christian must make a choice. Will you choose to lay down your life, or will you choose to lay down your spouse’s.

I have put together a list of practical safeguards that help me to maintain my love for my husband. Maybe they can be help to you as well.

1. Put Off and Put On

Colossians 3 is a great chapter in the Bible for walking in a new life with Christ. We are encouraged to put off what is earthly in us, and to put away “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth” (verse 8).

Stop and think for a moment.

Is the Holy Spirit convicting you of any “earthly ways” you’ve been acting towards your husband? How are you expressing anger and frustration? Are you a nagging wife?

Stop.

I know this may be easier said than done. But stop. Immediately.

Verse 10 says to “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”

Verses 12-14 goes on to tell us to put on the following: “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Do you possess the character traits you were once looking for in a husband?

Pray for God to help you put off earthly tendencies, and to put on what is actually making you more into the likeness of Christ. Someone whom people, including your husband, would want to be around.

If you want your love for your husband to grow, make the changes necessary for your husband to grow in his love for you.

2. Read God’s Word Daily

You may be pleasantly surprised by how God softens your heart through the reading of His Word. For me, I’m less irritable and frustrated, and more patient and understanding with others when I’m constantly feeding myself with something that lasts longer than what the escape of a television show brings.

Can I challenge you to make a habit of reading Scripture and praying for 5 minutes each day?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”

It’s amazing what all the Lord can do in your life and character when you refocus your attention on Him and off of yourself.

3. Clean Out Your Social Media and Watchlist

Unfollow the people who breed discontentment, and who are constantly degrading their husbands. If you are regularly watching and listening to women complaining about their husbands’ shortcomings, it’s only a matter of time before those same complaints begin to well up in your own heart.

I once watched an Instagram reel of a women going around her home pointing out all the clothes her husband had left around the house. The video was supposed to be funny and relatable…which it was to most married women. But I found myself realizing that her husband could be making a similar video about her – showing others what his wife doesn’t do well and laugh about it…but he didn’t.

If you truly desire to love and respect your husband, don’t find entertainment in watching women disrespect theirs. This includes the movies and tv shows; the ones that indirectly communicate you can “do better” and to “follow your heart.”

Yeah, turn that off.

4. Stop Contributing to Those Conversations

What I mean is…stop regularly hanging out with women who are constantly painting their husbands in a bad light.

“Misery loves company” couldn’t be more true. It’s a lot easier to be pulled down than it is to be pulled up. Once the conversation begins to go into a direction that involves naming all the frustrations and negative qualities of one’s spouse, RUN!

As tempting as it may be to sympathize with someone by finally getting to let off some steam, pray that the Holy Spirit would help you to have self control.

If you find that the topic of choice in conversations with certain friends leans towards bashing husbands, then it’s time to cancel that dinner and stay home. Ask the Lord to give you the courage to speak the truth in love to your friend, and then create healthy boundaries that will help to safeguard your thoughts.

5. Spend time with women whose marriages you would like to emulate.

My husband and I love having our senior pastor and his wife over for dinner. Not only do we genuinely enjoy their company, we really like watching them talk to one another; encouraging and lifting each other up every chance they get.

If you want your marriage to be as strong as that elderly couple in your church who’ve been married for 45 years now, invite them over for dinner. If you know of a couple whose sweet marriage has had some big bumps along the way, don’t be afraid to sit down with them and ask questions.

Prepare some questions ahead of time, and listen attentively to the women who have found joy and delight in marriage as they walk with the Lord.

6. Keep a Journal of the Big and Small Things Your Husband is Doing Well.

Focus on the good and stop focusing on the negative. Keep a journal at your bedside, or a notepad in the kitchen junk drawer. As soon as you see your husband doing something that is helpful, pleasing, sweet, etc., write it down so that you don’t forget.

Oftentimes when conflict is present, and you can’t see anything good in your husband through your frustration, you begin to believe that your husband “never does anything for me anymore.”

This is not true.

So instead of completely cringing at anything good you see in your husband’s efforts, find that pen and write down the good you have observed. Not only will this help you to see the positive, this will help to give you some ideas when you need to say, “thank you.”

Loving your husband takes work. Writing down that record of right can help your love to grow as you take more notice in how the Lord is loving you through your husband.

7. Practice Thanking Your Husband

Thanking your husband for showing gestures and fulfilling responsibilities is a great way of reminding yourself of all that your husband does to care for you. This is also important because your husband needs to know that you see him. That he’s respected. This is not a hard task, but it may take some intentional effort when you’re out of practice saying “thank you.”

Here are some practical ideas. Thank you for…

• Providing for our family as you go to work each morning
• Taking out the garbage
• Playing with the kids while I went out with a friend
• Driving our family to [name the place} while I got to sit back and be a passenger
• Helping to make our home feel comfortable
• Loving our family by making time to do fun activities with us on your day off from work.

If you’re finding it hard to think of something to say “thank you” for, ask the Lord to soften your heart and to give you a deeper gratefulness for what you have and how the Lord has used your husband to meet your needs. And if you have the attitude of “I shouldn’t have to thank my husband for doing his responsibilities,” then consider asking your husband what he’d appreciate a “thank you” for. This is a bold question, but it may spark some good conversation, leading to deeper thankfulness for the both of you.

8. Practice Serving Your Husband

Without expecting anything in return, consider doing one small thing for your husband each day (or once a week if the struggle is real); communicating that you love him and that you’re thinking of him. It doesn’t have to take too much of your time, and it doesn’t have to cost any money. When you are focusing your efforts on your husband )thinking of yourself less), joy will begin to grow in your heart as your love for your husband is being strengthened.

Here are a couple of practical ideas:

• An encouraging note strategically placed in his belongings or on the steering wheel of the car he’ll take to work
• Offer a foot massage
• Pick up his favorite drink or snack from the grocery store
• Put the kids to bed a little early so you can have some nice time outside as the sun sets.

Need some more thoughtful and simple ideas to serve your husband? Check out this blog I wrote. I list multiple ways you can love on your husband that don’t require much time or money.

9. Practice Sharing with Others What You Like About Your Husband

Whether in a passing comment or drawn-out conversation around how much your husband cares for you, practice painting your husband in a good light. And challenge yourself to not bring anything negative about your husband into the conversation.

Maybe even set a goal of naming 3 positive things about your husband out loud to a friend. The more you make it habit to list aloud the good things you see in your husband, the easier it will become to love your husband through the not so good things you see.

Know that God is working and that He deserves all the praise for the good you see in your husband.

Psalm 34:1-3 says, “I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will boast in the LORD; the humble will hear and be glad. Proclaim the LORD’s greatness with me; let us exalt his name together.”

10. Pray For Your Husband

Pray, pray, pray.

Daily.

Ephesians 6:12 says “For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.”

On any given day when everything seems to be fine and there’s nothing to complain about, there’s an invisible war happening that can have an affect on anyone at any time.

Pray for the Lord to strengthen your hope, your faith, your marriage.

Pray for your husband to be a strong leader, to have wisdom in making decisions, and to have joy in serving his family.

And pray for the Lord to help you to submit to your husband’s leadership, to find contentment in the mundane, and to make it your aim to honor your husband in new and creative ways.

If there are other ways to grow in your love for your husband, please comment below! I’d love to hear!