“I don’t have enough time.”
Do you ever feel the same way? I found myself repeating that infamous line that most people, including myself, will say when the ongoing to-do list doesn’t give enough margin to do what is desired.
Between being a wife, a mom to two toddlers, work, church, and keeping up the home, I‘ve been feeling stretched and discouraged that there doesn’t seem to be adequate time to spend with God in his word and in prayer, time to plan and execute fun activities for the kids, or time to just sit and be with my husband.
Have I been prioritizing my goals all wrong this whole time? I love the reminder from wise women in my life that “there will always be laundry, but you’re children won’t always be at home,” and to cherish the time I have with them. I definitely take this to heart, but it’s Saturday now and my son is down to one pair of underwear in his drawer and my sink is already full of dirty dishes after running the dishwasher last night.
When I get time to myself, I am most productive in getting things done and checked off my list. Which, in turn, makes me think that time to myself is what is most needed. However, when moments are carved out in the day to get things done, my expectations are thwarted by my child waking up early from a nap or my boss giving me a project that keeps me at my computer during my lunch break. I let those interruptions define my attitude and the rest of the day suffers for it. Everything seems to be off because things didn’t go my way.
It’s selfish, I know.
My prayer has been that God would give me more time to focus on what is needed in my home, but do I really understand what’s needed the most? Am I so concerned with my “needs” that I honestly haven’t been willing to make changes in my own routine to faithfully pursue holiness rather than a clean and tidy space?
Keeping up my home is important, but is that what’s MOST needed?
God has been convicting me that I do have time and that I haven’t been willing to sacrifice for it.
I hear of women who wake up before the sun to read their Bibles, but surely God isn’t calling me, an already busy mom with kids to get up early and spend significant amounts of time reading. Can’t I make this change when the kids start sleeping through the night, when I get into a habit of going to bed early, or when I finally catch up on sleep as it is?
These things may never come, but I am heard and seen by a God who wants me to live an abundant life right now regardless of my circumstances. Proverbs 31:15 talks of a woman who, “rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household…” There’s no explanation of what season in life she’s in or what she’d rather be doing. She is simply taking the focus off of herself to provide for what she sees as most important in order to glorify God.
While my husband was at a leadership retreat in Montana last week, I decided to practice getting up early and seeing what would happen. On day one, 5am came and I could barely open my eyes. “This is going to be rough” as I sat up in bed and found the remote control to my sunlight lamp (it really helps when I’m trying to wake up and the sun isn’t quite up yet). It honestly didn’t take me that long to fully wake up as I was reading, but by the time I was finished, it had already been 45 minutes!
Excuse me? I still had over an hour before my kids woke up and God had already answered one of my prayerful desires to have more time with him in the morning! I had time to write, to fold a load of laundry, get ready for the day, and prep breakfast all before I heard a peep from the kids.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” Philippians 2:3-4.
I knew waking up at 5am would be a challenge for me, but I don’t think I really understood the blessing it would be to me and my entire family. Had I really been so consumed with myself that I forgot to recognize the importance of serving my family the first thing each morning? Having a clean space with minimal stimulation is important to me. But if I’m aiming to honor and glorify God in all that I do, I should not let my family suffer from the leftover time and energy that I have to give by my mishandled time during the day.
Waking up earlier in the day won’t (and doesn’t) always happen for me, but I am without the excuse that I don’t have what I need.
God has given me lots of time. I just had to readjust my alarm clock to find it.
